Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
Do people with cats not know about dogs?
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.