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my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
In space they just call it "Jam"
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.