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What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
Dear liver…. Here is an advance sorry for tonight… sincerely Jimmy…
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
Zombies only eat brains. You’re safe.
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
There’s no “I” in team and coincidentally none in "Go f*ck yourself" either.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: rapping. North West: Mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.