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Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends....
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
Common sense has become so rare it should be classified as a superpower.