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I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
Why is it that the instant I buy new chap stick, the old one magically reappears?
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/