Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
When I text someone and they don`t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from the excitement.
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out