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You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
Despite what people may tell you, its the fat that makes you look fat... NOT the dress!! lol
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!