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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I’ve turned myself around.
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
and alcohol are now friends.
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
I`m smiling, that alone should scare you.
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.