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If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!