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Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.