Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and that`s where I sleep.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
Personally, I think failure should be an option
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?