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I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
When it comes to f*cking around, I don`t f*ck around.
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.