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If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
I dont pay for cabs if Iām too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it.
*calling pizza place* "Hello?" Your pizza tastes like cardboard "Are you sure you`re not eating the box again?" *long pause* *click*
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.