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You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Remember they’re just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing.
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.