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My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
"Thanks for coming" - sperm bank receptionist.
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.