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Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.
My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.