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I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again.
I`m on this great new diet where I spend all my grocery money on strippers.
Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
If you have alphabet fridge magnets and morals, you probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
It`s awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.