Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
The police never think its as funny as you do.
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...