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Much to my daughters horror, I just sang along to Ace of Base`s “The Sign” at full volume in a van full of her friends. Being a dad is fun!
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I break wind in my sleep.
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
I sleep better naked.. why can´t the flight attendants understand this?
McDonald`s sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.