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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
I`m just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I`m unlucky enough to be a part of
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
If video games have taught me anything, it’s that if you encounter enemies then you’re going the right way.
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.