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Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
People will do odd things to get even.
79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
Smooth move.........ExLax
Home is where the pants aren`t.
Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor’s trash so you don’t get robbed.
Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-