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Married sext: I’m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times.
How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
"Probiotic" sounds a lot better than "bacteria infested"
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
You should get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep... 9 if you`re an ugly bitch...
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.