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Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
I did 10 minutes of cardio this morning. I was still drunk from last night, and I was trying to tie my shoes but whatever.
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.
whoever said that there are no stupid questions was stupid
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.