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Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
The fox says you need to stop.
I do 5 sit-ups every morning. No, it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can press the snooze button.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That`s what they want you to think," say, "No, but that`s what they wanted you to tell me."
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!