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I`ve set my "life goals" to stuff I`ve already done so literally every day now I`m overachieving. It`s all about perspective.
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
My life is a very complicated drinking game
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.
Keep up the good work, people who make free porn available.
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds