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I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
Holiday Tip #236: When hosting a covered dish holiday dinner where everyone brings something, never put a skinny person in charge of desserts.
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
Hash browns not tags.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.