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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.