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How come the energizer bunny beats a drum instead of doing something like working the cashier register at Wal-Mart?
In marijuana`s defense, I`m lazy as sh!t completely sober too.
Why can`t braille just be in the shape of the letters?
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
My life has a great cast, but I can’t really figure out the plot.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.