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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened the refrigerator and thought, What am I doing inside the refrigerator?
Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" - 17th century sext
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.