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I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?