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This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
You can’t choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.
Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they say "to boldly go where no one has gone before", when they get there, they always meet someone?
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
My life has a great cast, but I can’t really figure out the plot.
I don`t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
Yes, I used to "dance like no one is watching"; at least until Google Earth sent me a certificate for ten free lessons.
I feel that being a smarta$$ is my duty. The pay sucks, but the work is very rewarding.