Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
I can see your camouflage pants, so they`re not working.