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Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
Marriage tip: Don`t
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
My life coach just benched me.
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.