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Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
One of my best talents is pretending to like people. Unfortunately, I only show it when no one`s around.
Instead of sending people to jail, we should just make them eat the stringy things off bananas..
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe