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Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
Well, one week smoke free, only 4 dead, 27 injured… not bad…
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
I hope that man who was walking in memphis found out the way he really felt
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
Does this couch I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)