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And that`s when I realized, it wasn`t the hamburger who needed help, it was me
The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
-buys lottery ticket -fantasizes about winning the lottery -smiles -loses lottery -resumes general hatred for life
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?