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I put mirrors on the ceiling because I like to see how I look when I`m eating pizza alone.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that`s older than you.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.