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True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out.
What`s the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller" ?
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.