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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon
I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.