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All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
Hit me with your pet shark #RuinAn80sSong
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”