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If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.