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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
The only dates I get are updates.
Why is it that the most interesting things in life usually aren`t in our best interest?
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!