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Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
Iām not lazy, Iām on energy saving mode.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn`t like it.
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!