Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
I really like compliments but I don`t want anyone talking to me...
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
Every dog is a badass until you decide to vacuum.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.