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I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
You know you`re old when you think "pokemon" is a gay rastafarian
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
My sleep number is 100 proof.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...