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I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.