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To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.