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"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
No one is as ugly as their driver`s license, and nobody is attractive as their profile picture.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!