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Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and that`s where I sleep.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it, I better call the police!" - literally no one ever
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
If I’m going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then I’m going to need a bigger rug.
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.