Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
The police never think its as funny as I do.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Mo’ money, mo’ problems. This explains why I don’t have problems.
I hate it when I’m singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
People without kids: I`ll never yell at my kids ... People with kids: I DONT KNOW WHY SOMEONE SPIT THEIR GUM ON THE ROAD, JUST WALK!