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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
I like Tuesday, it rhymes with Boozeday...
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
life is short play naked
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?