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How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.