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I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
It`s important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping