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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
Iām trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
Being alive is so expensive.
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.
Next time I`m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I`m going to turn around and say, "I`m sure you`re wondering why I`ve gathered you all here."
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.