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Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or prettier than you. That would be me.
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
Never judge a book by it`s movie.
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
I need a partner in wine.
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.