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Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
Another day, another chance to make someone say, "Oh, now that`s just WRONG"...
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?