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That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better. Well…for me anyway.
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?
Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
Government shutdown day 8: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever.
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.