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A friend doesn`t question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.