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It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later.
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.