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I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
"May the 4th" be with you!
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I`ve successfully installed Java. He hates me.