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The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question.
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
I had to go on two diets because one wasn`t giving me enough food.
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
The ultimate home security system is just having crappy stuff.
Procrastination: when "make a bucket list" is on your bucket list.